Is anyone out there?

I just looked at the last time I updated this thing and I am ashamed to have left it so long.

There are a number of you (150 odd I believe) who look forward to the next episode in the life of BRIAN no matter how boring it might be.

Depression is a strange creature. There is absolutely no reason for it as far as I'm concerned. I have the great gift of new lungs. That's a very trite way of saying I'd be dead now if it wasn't for some wonderful person out there making a decision which he or she never thought they'd have to make, or more specifically, their loved ones would have to make. Yet I read of a young 17 year old being bashed for whatever reason to a point where he is on life support and may well have the same opportunity that my donor and family had and it makes me wonder what life is really all about.

Here I am with a whole team of wonderful people constantly making sure that I have the very best chance at life and yet someone out there could lose his life for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time or asking the wrong question of the wrong person or maybe just having a drink or two too many as we all have done and suddenly and sadly he will never be the same person he was before, if he survives, or worse, and it is worse, his family and friends will have to face a set of circumstances they'd never thought possible at such a tender young age.

The only possible good thing that can come out of this, apart from a complete recovery, and miracles do happen, is that he had the foresight to be an organ donor and that his family supports this. Because it is probably, and I don't know what the real circumstances are, such a situation, that has resulted in my being alive today.

These cases cause me to think deeply about my position and I do get depressed. "Selfish bastard" I say to myself. How dare I feel anything but gratitude for the chance I have and the new opportunity I have been given to do something worthwhile with the rest of my life. There is no logical reason to be anything but happy. There is absolutely not one single reason to feel depressed. And yet I do. And I don't know why.

We had a great holiday at Port Douglas. The weather wasn't too hot and we went to all the touristy places as we usually do. Saw only one tiny baby crocodile on our Daintree River cruise which is less than usual but it's the wrong time of the year. Too warm. Ate too much and probably drank too much but put on a few kilos without doing too much other damage.

Janyne's been ill since we got back with an ear infection and I'm hoping it clears up soon. She is really quite amazing and hardly ever gets sick but this has really knocked her about. We're hoping the antibiotics kick in soon and she starts to feel better.

The next few weeks involve reflux tests, bronchoscopies, hip check-ups and the usual clinics. I have to do some work on the Lung Transplant Association as we now have over 30 responses so that should keep me busy. Also the water feature (remember the 10th anniversary gift) is ready for delivery so I need to finalise arrangements with Prince Charles Hospital as to its location and delivery times.

So I have plenty to keep me busy and that should get me into a more positive frame of mind. We're still looking at buying a new puppy and as soon as we see one we like, we have second thoughts. Some day.

So it's off to bed for now. Talk again soon. Take care.

Ben

Did I speak too soon?

Quite a few things have happened in the last week or so. First, we have received just over 20 responses to our "expression of interest" questionnaire concerning the formation of a more formal Lung Transplantee Association/Group or whatever. This is disappointing considering we sent out 120 letters. However we'll give it more time. We have enough interest to proceed and only two responses were negative. Quite a few people stated they wanted to be involved on the committee so that's good. As usual I'm probably being a little impatient.

On the bright side, we've finally made a decision to have a short holiday. On Monday 13th November we're off to Port Douglas for a week or so. This is north of Cairns in tropical Queensland and it will be hot and humid, a real test for my new lungs. We decided that if we waited until everything was perfect, we'd never do anything. Monday is clinic day so hopefully I'm declared fit to go. The hip is getting better every day and I am spending as much time walking unaided as possible to strengthen the muscles.

Reflux testing takes place on 29th and 30th November. It's a minor procedure apparently and I hope the news will be good. Anyway, we'll worry about that when the time comes.

At the moment we're "dog sitting" Patch, our neighbour's dog. He's only five months old and is a real delight. It will be hard to give him back when Suzanne returns from holidays interstate on Monday. Having said that, I'm still not sure I want another dog full time. At least with Patch we can give him back at the end of the day. We'll revisit this issue when we get back from holidays. I think Janyne will probably convince me to change my mind as I know she really misses Selby. We'll see.

Good too hear from Rebecca and I hope the news about your lung condition is good. Let me know.

Jean, thanks for your comment of 2nd October. Sorry not to acknowledge earlier. Your Doctor Michael Musk is from Perth and on secondment to Prince Charles Hospital for a twelve month stint learning the lung transplant ropes from Drs Hopkins, McNeil and Kermeen. He has treated me on a number of occasions and I am very impressed with his level of care and bedside manner. He is a really nice guy.

Anyway, I'm off to bed so until next time, take care.

Ben