Time to Reflect

When I visited Ben on Saturday I noticed a girl sitting by herself in the lobby area of the hospital. As I got closer to her I saw that she was obviously upset and had been crying. It made me think back to the last time we were here and how different our emotional state had been.

To me there is a comfort in having been through the transplant experience. I now know how strong Ben is. It wasn't as though I had ever doubted his strength, or his ability to make it through, but there were times during that period where emotion and circumstance took over. I recalled myself being in the position of that girl. The person tucked away, alone, upset and in tears, trying to deal with the reality of having your loved one on life support in ICU. It's an overwhelming feeling of helplessness that you can't budge and one I'm sure is unique to people in that position.

This time around it's noticeably different. You've endured something so critical and involving and you've made it through to the other side. It's as if this time it's merely a walk in the park, a warm down after already winning the grand final. You're forced to remind yourself it's not, that anything could happen. That the wound could lead to infection or that the hip could pop back out. You remember that Ben isn't just an ordinary person, he's a double lung transplant recipient and that carries extraordinary risks. And that's how life has become; extraordinary.

I look at Dad (sorry it's not that easy to keep referring to him as Ben) and I see hope. I see in him what many people should see inside themselves; the opportunity life is! I'm reminded how close we were to losing him and the miracle a transplant brings. And now, when I see him lying in hospital after receiving a new hip, it's just one last stepping stone to seeing the dream fulfilled. Up until now mobility had been a factor, in a few months it won't be. Imagine how great a gift such as this could be.

When I left the hospital that day I came across a lady we know only as “Joanne's Mum”. Joanne, her daughter, is only 16. She has an extremely rare heart disease that there seems to be no cure. When we first met her she was in ICU after having 8 operations in a period of 4 weeks (if I remember correctly). This time, she's experienced difficulties, blood clots have developed in the arteries that connect the heart to lungs. Her lung capacity is at a shockingly low 30%. This week she goes back into surgery in an effort to save her lungs from collapsing. I don't quite know the details but by looking at her it looks certain she doesn't have long to live. Poor Joanne, a 16 yr old former track champion who it seemed had her whole life ahead of her only to be left with this!

There has been a connection formed between our families. One that could only be formed through the understanding of what each has been through in ICU. It becomes a second family, a community of people you feel for. Ask Mum & Dad (Ben & Janyne), it's not easy for them or the nurses to see former patients come back in. It may be just a routine checkup but there's always the fear it could be something worse, a complication. It's not just the fact you feel for them but it's the reality that next year, next month or next week that person could be you or your loved one. Life can be given and so easily taken away.

So I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about Dad having this operation, I was. Put simply though.. the opportunity outweighed the risk!